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Thread: To all those flyers who ...

  1. #1
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    To all those flyers who ...

    To all those flyers who bemoan the dearth of opposition pilots flying straight and level for extended periods whilst bemused by the blueness of the sky, flummoxed by the fluffiness of the clouds, mesmerised by the magical way the sun reflects off the sea, fascinated by the streams of coloured lights flashing past the canopy just before the screen goes black; to them I say - Rejoice - your days of famine are over. I'm back.

    Not that anyone will have noticed my absence particularly as my posts are few and far between and I was never particularly vociferous on Teamspeak. The reason for my being AWOL is that when Blitz came out my steam-driven clockwork calculator decided not to play any more as it was getting old, wheezy and cranky - a bit like me really. NO! What foul calumny! Ok, I might get a bit cranky from time to time, but I'm not wheezy and definitely not old. At (fairly) recently turned 69 I'm still in the prime of late middle-age, a statement with which I'm sure all virtual pilots of a similar vintage will agree. And besides, I know loads of people in the...err...uhm...135 to 145 age bracket... moving swiftly on...

    In the meantime I have been assiduously saving all my groats and am now the proud possessor of a super-whizzo machine capable of running the universe. Ok well maybe not the universe, but sufficiently whizzo to run Blitz and Tobruk (a lovely Christmas prezzie from she who must be obeyed).

    To get back in the swing of things I have been mostly playing SP with occasional forays into MP and it has not escaped my notice that certain elements of my flying, how can I put this, need a little refining. So when flying my trusty fighter, should I actually ever remember to look behind me, I will undoubtedly find the rest of you forming a (dis)orderly queue behind me to see who can win the "who can shoot him down the quickest" competition. So thus being sort of forewarned and therefore theoretically forearmed I have stiffened my sinews, girded my loins with bolstered fortitude and prepared myself physically, mentally and spiritually for the oncoming onslaught ...

    By flying bombers HA!

    My thinking being that for an opposition fighter pilot, it is not the easiest task in the world finding a single bomber flying lonely as a cloud, far from the madding crowd, taking the scenic route to the target (in my case usually an airfield as they are large and don't usually indulge in convoluted dances in three-dimensional space when shot at. Or if they do, it is very slowly). So arriving over the boundary fence hopefully unmolested, I can scatter my bombs hither and yon, ploughing runways, flattening hangars, squashing opposition aircraft ... Oh Joy!!

    Providing my navigation doesn't take me on an Extended World Tour (I once visited Calais via the Somme estuary and also managed to get lost mid-channel between Dover and Calais, (sorry that should have read "became temporarily unsure of my position mid-channel"; we virtual pilots are never "lost" now are we!) Anyway YOU try flying North-East up the channel at water-skiing height, you may be surprised at how quickly land ups her skirts and dives behind the horizon for safety, leaving you in no time at all with only the lonely sea and the sky (and if you're flying Red, a decidedly awkward compass arrangement) for company.

    If you're flying Blue, as I was, and you happen to think, as I did, that your position is slightly to the South-West of Cap Gris Nez (does that really translate as Cape Grey nose?), well then, South isn't necessarily your first choice of heading. East seems much better.

    Hello Denmark!

    Oh, alright alright, Belgium for all you pedants out there. Anyway by the time I should have been over-flying Brussels and land was showing no inclination whatsoever to poke her nose over any horizon, I eventually turned South. So flying a heading of 190 to give me a track of180 allowing for 10 degrees west of magnetic variation - you see, I do know something about navigation - my track took me smack-dab over the top of Oye-Plage, the airfield from which I'd started and to which I was trying to return. Weird or what? Actually I had thought of applying for the job of poster boy for the Harry Potter School of Navigation on the strength of this ,as, even when I visited Calais via the Somme I still managed to bomb my designated target. Not that I knew that initially. You see I'd been flying randomly around Northern France, being temporarily unsure of my position for about twenty minutes when this anti-aircraft gunner had the temerity to open fire on me! I mean, the cheek of it! So I returned the courtesy by dropping my bombs on him. It turned out he was situated on the airfield I was meant to be attacking! So, as you can see, when it comes to magical feats of navigation I do have form.

    Sorry, I digressed. One of the joys/pitfalls of prime late middle-aged-ness!

    Where was i? Ah yes, crossing the boundary fence at high speed and low altitude scattering my bombs hither and yon. You know, ploughing runways, flattening hangars, squashing opposition aircraft and all that sort of thing. Anyway, whilst so doing, quite unbidden, this enormous great grin clambers out of the footwell and plasters itself all over my face and refuses to budge. As a consequence, when I subsequently take to the air in my trusty single seat fighter, I can be shot down 15 times on the bounce and still have a smile on my face.

    Hoping to see you all in the virtual skies very soon, preferably right in front of me where I will probably just give you a bit of a scare as my air to air gunnery is as poor as ever,

    Bolstered fortitude to all

    Salute!

  2. #2
    Manual Creation Group ATAG_Marlow's Avatar
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    Re: To all those flyers who ...

    Ha haaaaaggghhh!!!!

    By gum! That was a hell of a 'comeback post, Douggie! Welcome back, Mate!

    It was good to chat on TS the other day and see another stalwart safely back into the Cliffs fold. It's a good thing about this sim that though many of us fall away, due to real life pressures, most people can't resist the pull to return! And when they do...it's great for the rest of us!

    Great writing, Douggie......I enjoyed it very much........and I hope we get to wing up' soon! Salute!

  3. Likes DerDa, Maru, \Hawk/, ATAG_Knight liked this post

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